Bear

“You are a really dumb dog! What kind of dog doesn’t know how to ”fetch”? I throw the ball and you’re supposed to go get it and bring it back to me!” “You know you have only been here for an hourand we can take you right back to that jerk that just kept you locked up all alone,” said Greg. His growing frustration manifesting itself in the threats that would never be carried out.

My son, Greg, and his new dog, Bear, were out on the front lawn getting acquainted. Greg threw the ball and said, “Fetch!” Bear ran after it and grabed it in his teeth – and laid down…. “Good dog! Bring it here!” Bear’s tail was waving with pleasure at the new game.Over and over Greg tried to teach good-natured, eager-to-please Bear. To no avail.  It turned into a tug-of-war as Greg tried to get the ball from his first ever, not quite bright, dog. “Just bring me the darn ball!Let it Go!” Never one to press an issue, the tug-of-war over the ball turned into a good-natured tumble of fur and boy all over the yard.

 Watching them,that saying that dogs and their owners often resemble each other, rang very true. It was certainly true of Greg and Bear – two more phlegmatic beings are hard to imagine. Bear is part shepherd, part husky with a curved tail, pointed snout and a beautiful, thick coat; mottled tanand  blackwith a white patch on his chest. Greg’s hair matched the tan patches Bear had. Both of them always appeared somewhat disheveled.

They both had that easy-going, life-is-good air about them – most of the time. These two didn’t have to grow into their similarities, they came that way.Amble was their stride and placid was their pace. Greg was seldom hurried, rushed or argumentative. He just smiled at a request or rule he had no intention of obeying and continued on his way and left any possible disturbance behind. I heard it described once as soft rebellion.

 Likewise, Bear was always on the look- out for the most comfortable resting spot. He would lie down in my impatiensflower  bedto cool off during the hot summersno matter how many times Iscolded him and made him move. He simply looked up, his eyes full of compassion for my hysterics and slowly ambled over to the next cool spot to lie down, which was generally my other bed of impatiens.

Bear followed Greg wherever he went, and as far as he understood what was expected of him, he complied. He did whatever Greg wanted – all except gointo our swimming pool. He could be enticed to the edge pf it where he would lie down and rest his beautiful head on his paws and look at Greg with so much love. From inside the pool, Greg would get down close and whisper, “c’mon in!” but the big dog’s only movement was a tentative tail wag which said, “I love you and want to please you – but I’m not going in that water.”

Melody, our four year old daughter, was another of Bear’s best friends. She wouldsit on him and pretend he was her faithful steed. She could pull on his hair, to steer him in the direction she wanted him to go and he would. He let her use him until he was bored when he would just stand and send her tumbling. He would obey her every,rather imperious demand,drawing the line at going in the pool. No matter how hot it got or how she or Greg pleaded, coaxed or cajoled, he just stared at them and never moved a muscle except for that tentative, “will you still love me?” tail wag.

Between Greg and Bearhad been instant connection. Perhaps it was the neglect he suffered from his last ownerand the great affection Greg gave him at their first meeting. The good nature of that big old dog just drew people in. He was so gentle, so big hearted,  you just couldn’t help caring about him. That is everyone except Jerry, my husband, Greg’s dad. Being a type A man, Bear’s “manana” attitude didn’t fit with Jerry’s enneagram one, perfectionist personality. One of Bear’s favorite resting spots was a corner of the patio, just outside the sliding door. As he lay down, his body left a giant dirty spot on the wall, which Jerry felt compelled to wash off frequently with many inaudible mutterings. He was always mumbling under his breath about having him underfoot. Neither of them were especially tidy and Jerry was always straightening up the food area or a place in the yard they had disturbed. However, it was always Jerry who made sure Bear had a warm place to sleep with plenty of old blankets to keep him off the cold floor. I think Bear knew Jerry would always take up the slack in his care that his lackadaisical master left despite his mutterings.

There was, however, to need to discover what was in our four-year-old daughter, Melody’s heart toward her furry, long-suffering friend.

She was another of Bear’s heart conquests. She wouldsit on him and pretend he was her faithful steed. She could pull on his hair, to steer him in the direction she wanted him to go and he would. He let her use him until he was bored  when he would just stand and send her tumbling. He would obey her every, rather imperious demand, drawing the line at going in the pool. No matter how hot it got or how she or Greg pleaded, coaxed or cajoled, he just stared at them and never moved a muscle except for that tentative, “will you still love me?” tail wag.

One day they were having a tea party on our side lawn. They had their proper tea hats on and their proper tea set on the proper blanket on the grass.  When I looked up there was another little girl with them. I came out to see who she was and where she had come from. “Hi, my name is Josie. Can I play with your dog and your little girl? We just moved into the apartments at the end of the street.” Her freckles, mismatched , slightly tattered clothes, and her tentative smile won my heart instantly. She and Mel often had tea parties on the side lawn under the rose arbor.They went on walks, played in the pool and Melody loved for Josie to put make-up on her and play with her hair. Bear was always included in every activity and submitted to every indignity of the decorating they put him through. It was obvious he had made another true friend in Josie.

Josie played with Melody, but her true love was Bear. Greg would ask where Bear was when he got home from school and our answer was always, “Josie took him to McDonalds to have hamburgers.”  or on a walk, or to her house where they sometimes had sleepovers. The only time our unflappable Bear got even a little excited was when Josie came to visit. A couple of times Bear got togo on vacation with her andher family. We offered  food or money for his food but she declined, saying they were just going to get McDonalds, and they got enough for Bear for the entire time he was gone. He was literally one happy camper! He had won another heart with his gentle ways and generous heart.

However much that big old dog loved and was loved by others, there was one time of year when the only person that would do was Greg.

Our family made a big deal out of the Fourth of July. We were a very large, extended Italian family which meant lots of food, fellowship and fun! Some of the men would go early with doughnuts and coffee to the park and reserve several tables and plenty of space for cooking and playing cards. We spent the day there, playing softball, canasta, poker, swimming, eating and laughing a lot. At the end of the day we came home to do the fireworks. We could sit in our driveway and not only do our fireworks, but we got a pretty good view of the Disneyland show. But not Greg. He had to go into his room and comfort his big dog. Bear was terrified! He laid on the ground and shook violently as long as they were going off. He didn’t whimper or whine -just shook. Greg was the only one who could bring him any comfort by holding him tightly to calm him even a little. When the ruckus was over he calmed down and life resumed it’s leisurely pace.

One morning as I came into the kitchen to begin the day, Josie had had a sleep-over with us and she and Mel were eating breakfast while also braiding Melody’s hair. Don’t know what caught my eye, but I realized with a start that they were bigger! They had grown! And I hadn’t noticed. I also noted that Josie wasn’t coming over quite as often. Later that day, I also became aware of the fact that Bear was limping a little more noticeably, and so was I. As Aunt Lena used to say, Arthur {arthritis} had come to visit that day.

A couple of years later, Josie came down and sadly announced that her family was moving  We had a farewill tea party in her honor and sent her off with our love and gratitude for her years of faithful companionship for our daughter and our dog.

Another three or four years went by without any significant hitches. But one day I realized that Jerry and I were the ones responsible for Bear. Greg had grown into an age of independence and moved in with a friend leaving Bear behind.  Melody was no longer fascinated with tea parties or her faithful steed.

My husband, Jerry grumbled and complained about the dog, but was now the one to feed and care for him. On rainy days he even let him come inside where it was warm and dry. Bear now began to scratch at the sliding screen door for us to let him in which we did occasionally until he became incontinent. His scratching became more insistent and we had to replace two or three of them.

As the years passed Bear’s limp grew worse until I took him to the vet one day and had to lift that big dog’s hind legs into the car because he couldn’t. He was so pitiful, trying to claw his way into the car. He just couldn’t get his back legs to get up there so that I had to put my arms around his back end and lift him up. He was always so eager to please, I could see his soulful eyes trying to let me know he was doing the best he could and was so sorry he couldn’t do better. The inevitable day came when it was obvious that it was time for our old faithful dog to be put down and Jerry said,

“No way am I doing this alone. This is Greg’s dog and he has to go too.”

“Greg, you have to come over here right  now. It’s time to take Bear to be put down and I’m not doing it alone. It’s yourdog and you have to come with me!”

Greg came, they got Bear in the car and off they went. When they came home about an hour later, they both had red noses and eyes. As we sat around the dinner table all was well for  a bit until they would look at each other and would burst into tears.A mere tissue wasn’t near enough to wipe the tears and snot from their faces; they needed a bath towel to wipe their faces off. These two large, grown men sobbing over an old hairy dog was a beautiful,touching sight.

Greg got Bear when he was eight years old and was twenty when he had to let his beautiful, loyal, gentle dog go. Even when he moved out, he still came and got his dog when he went camping or fishing. When we built Greg his room in the garage, Bear slept in there with him. Even though they no longer lived together, they were still best friends, and Bear’s absence was a great loss, not only to Greg, but to all of us who had loved him.